The Japan Times newspaper has a feature column on Japanese to English translation in which an old newspaper article is presented together with a translated, English text version. I thought I’d try my hand at J>E translation too. The text below is my rendition, which probably doesn’t mean much to my readers who have no access to the newspaper column in question here, but never mind.
I was actually pretty smug about this translation, that is until I compared it to the model answer that was given in the column. My version looks NOTHING like the translation done by an expert, darn!
The problem isn’t that I’m totally hopeless at translation, but that I seem to put too much weight on the profluence of the finished product (don’t snigger, I’m serious). What I find with Japanese J>E translators is that, they seem overly dedicated to reflecting the original text, phrase to phrase. I don’t like doing that. And that is a problem, because if metaphrasing is the norm, wouldn’t my liberal way of paraphrasing look too dangerously unorthodox?
Here is my translation. I have also added a snippet of the model answer that was given in the column. I must admit in advance that I did go overboard with paraphrasing at one point, but then again, I did think it necessary for non-native readers to receive an added insight.
(Translation for an article given in the ‘Communication Cues’ column from the 14th January edition of the Japan Times.)
“An urgent inquiry into bullying found a total of 144,000 cases in schools across the country. In response to the findings, the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology issued a notice urging prefectural boards of education to give credit to teachers who, instead of disavowing, take positive measures against bullying that occur in their classrooms.
The ministry called for schools and boards of education to revise the teacher appraisal method whereby the ability of a teacher is assessed simply on the number of reported cases of bullying in class, as this might impair their willingness to tackle the situation. The notice requested for additional criteria to be included so that teachers are given credit on their efforts to take preventative action against bullying, catch early warning signs, and also on their ability to take swift action when problems do arise. Additionally, the notice requested that further surveys be conducted at all schools, and also cooperation be given to local police when necessary.”
(Part of a model translation that was given in the column)
“In the notice, the ministry requested that when evaluating teachers, boards of education and schools should not only focus on whether bullying is happening, or the number of bullying cases, as the target of evaluation, but try to evaluate their efforts in preventing bullying or discovering it at an early stage, and for reacting promptly.”
I prefer your version.
The model translation reads like an awful lot of English civil service reports do – so complex that it is difficult to work out what they are really talking about!!
There is a Plain English movement encouraging use of plain English. Your translation would win favour with them methinks.
David
Thank you, David. It’s nice to get reassurance, because when I looked at the model answer, I felt like I had fabricated too much in my interpretation.
A professional proofreader in English scientific research paper once said to me that he felt as if he was rewriting history in the world of science, daily. The job of proofreading English research papers written by Japanese researchers has to go way beyond proofreading, and I really understand what he wanted to say. Expressions that are accepted as a norm in a certain language have the tendency to blow up into ambiguity and unintelligibility when converted into another.
Plain English will always be what I would want to aspire to, whatever criticism I receive.
Ayano xxx.
I think that the old school of thought on Japanese to English translation is dying in popularity, because the majority of readers prefer the more liberal translation. It ends up sounding better, giving better voice and meaning to the overall main idea; and that is more important than knowing the exact meaning of each word, but losing the main idea and voice of the original.
Hello thegreatzambini, it’s good of you to leave a message.
I sure hope that what you’re saying is true, otherwise I will stand no chance of getting into the business.
I guess the difficulty will always be in achieving the right balance – getting the gist right in the new language but retaining the feel of the original writing, or as you say, the voice (which I fear I failed to do by transforming the text into my voice more like). No wonder why people call it the ‘art’ of translation. I always admire those who succeed in providing a translation that is articulate and eloquent.
Ayano xxx.
Your version is far superior to the “model” version. What’s important is conveying the meaning of the text not giving a one to one rendition of the words. They should have hired you. I have read a few versions of Don Quijote (Don Qvixote in Medieval or Old Castilian) and it wasn’t until I read Burton Raffel’s version that I realized how funny the first book was. The only place paraphrasing should not take place is in witness testimony – especially in court cases. Translation IS an art and you have the talent to do it.
Thank you, just a peasant
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Please keep your fingers crossed for me, I think I’m going to need it! You know, I don’t mind going into that hole if I absolutely must, but that doesn’t mean to say that my stomach doesn’t churn or that my throat doesn’t tighten. And I think I prefer the analogy (that you made in an earlier post) of the staircase leading up to the top of a dike, which paints a more promising picture
Concerning Don Quijote, from what I’ve heard, the novel is very difficult to read. It looks like we weren’t blessed with a Japanese Burton Raffel, unfortunately. I doubt if I will ever be able to translate literary novels, but this art and craft of conveying of words is a fascinating world that I will never cease to be amazed by.
This is why I don’t feel like I could be a translator for a career. Because translating from one language to another as you said, they dedicate to reflecting the original text, phrase to phrase. A lot of things can get lost in translation so I don’t think translating the entire thing to perfection is really needed. Sorry but which version is yours? Was it the shorter paragraph because if so then, I’d liked that version much better.
By the way, I have my own blog which focuses on Asian culture and entertainment such as video games and I wonder if it is possible for you to view it and tell me what you think please: http://nynyonlinex.wordpress.com
Hope you write another article soon!
Thank you for leaving your comment, Nyasha (my, that’s a pretty name).
Translation is a tricky business, isn’t it? It is, though, also a good exercise to deepen one’s understanding of literature and language. The task can be immensely frustrating oftentimes, but I also always seem to get satisfaction out of it.
I would be delighted to visit your blog.
Ayano xxx.